Balancing marriage and parenting feels like trying to keep a dozen plates spinning at once. One moment, you’re planning a romantic date night, and the next, you’re wiping spit-up off your shirt while trying to stop a toddler tantrum. It’s exhausting, messy, and sometimes downright overwhelming. But here’s the thing—keeping both your marriage and your parenting strong isn’t impossible. It just takes intentionality, teamwork, and a little humour along the way.
I’ve had my fair share of days where I felt like I was either failing as a spouse or as a parent (or both!). But over time, I’ve realized that balance isn’t about splitting everything 50-50—it’s about adjusting, communicating, and making sure no one feels left behind. Let’s dive into some real, practical ways to keep both your marriage and parenting thriving.
Make Time for Each Other
When kids come into the picture, they become our priority—and rightly so. But sometimes, we get so caught up in parenting that we forget to nurture our marriage. I remember the early days of parenthood when exhaustion was my permanent state of being. The idea of spending quality time with my spouse felt like a luxury we couldn’t afford. But we soon realized that if we didn’t make an effort, we’d end up as two exhausted roommates instead of a loving couple.
So, we started small.
Instead of waiting for a perfect moment, we found ways to connect in the little pockets of time we did have.
A quick text during the day to check in, a short but meaningful conversation before bed, and simple gestures like bringing each other coffee in the morning helped us stay connected. We also made a rule to talk about something other than the kids at least once a day—whether it was about our own dreams, frustrations, or something funny that happened. And when possible, we carved out date nights, even if it was just ordering takeout and watching a movie at home after the kids were asleep.
It’s easy to feel like there’s no time, but the truth is, we make time for what matters. Even a few minutes of genuine connection each day can keep your relationship strong.
Keep the Romance Alive
Let’s be real—romance takes a hit when you’re sleep-deprived and constantly cleaning up messes. Date nights get replaced with diaper changes, and intimacy often takes a backseat to sheer exhaustion. But keeping the spark alive doesn’t have to mean extravagant gestures. Sometimes, the smallest things can make the biggest difference.
I started leaving little notes for my spouse—just simple “thinking of you” messages stuck to the fridge or slipped into their bag. He started doing the same, and those tiny reminders of love made a difference. We also tried to be physically affectionate, even in small ways—holding hands while watching TV, hugging a little longer before rushing out the door, or sneaking in a quick kiss while the kids weren’t looking. Flirty texts and inside jokes helped too, bringing back the fun we had before life got so busy.
Revisiting old memories also brought back that feeling of excitement. Every now and then, we’d look through old photos or rewatch a movie we loved when we were dating. Those little moments reminded us of why we fell in love in the first place. Romance doesn’t have to be grand—it just has to be intentional.
Don’t Be Co-Parenting Roommates
At some point, we all fall into the trap of treating our partner like a co-worker. The conversations become all about chores, schedules, and who’s picking up the kids from school. Before you know it, you’re functioning as a team but losing the emotional connection that makes a marriage fulfilling.
The key is to remember that we’re a couple first and parents second.
Yes, parenting is a huge responsibility, but our relationship is the foundation of our family. If we’re not happy together, it affects the whole household. That’s why we made a conscious effort to check in with each other daily—without distractions. Whether it was over morning coffee or just five minutes before bed, we made sure to ask, “How are you doing?” and really listen to the answer.
We also found ways to do things together that weren’t just about the kids. Cooking a meal together, going for a walk, or even binge-watching a show helped us reconnect. And something as simple as saying “thank you” for the small things—whether it was for handling bedtime or taking out the trash—helped us appreciate each other more. The little things add up, and they can mean the difference between feeling like partners or just co-workers raising children together.
Handling Different Parenting Styles
No matter how in sync we are as a couple, parenting brings out differences we didn’t even know we had. I tend to be more lenient, while my spouse leans toward structure and discipline. At first, this led to plenty of disagreements—especially in stressful moments when we both thought we were “right.”
What helped was learning to communicate calmly. Instead of arguing in front of the kids, we made it a rule to discuss parenting concerns privately. If one of us felt strongly about an issue, we explained why, and we found compromises that worked for both of us. More importantly, we made sure to present a united front to our children. Even if we had disagreed behind closed doors, we backed each other up when it came time to enforce rules.
Balancing marriage and parenting means understanding that differences will arise—but working together to find solutions is what strengthens your partnership. Parenting is a team effort, and the kids feel more secure when they see their parents working together. It wasn’t always easy, but by respecting each other’s perspectives, we found a way to blend our approaches into a style that worked for our family.
Prioritize Self-Care in Marriage
It’s so easy to put ourselves last. Between keeping the kids alive and maintaining a marriage, self-care often falls to the bottom of the list. But we realized that if we didn’t take care of ourselves, we had nothing left to give to our spouse or kids.
In order to balance parenting and marriage, we started prioritizing self-care by giving each other breaks. If I needed some quiet time to read or take a walk, my spouse would handle the kids, and I did the same for him. We encouraged each other to pursue hobbies, even if it was just for an hour a week. Setting boundaries was another game-changer—learning to say no to unnecessary obligations helped reduce stress and gave us more time to focus on what really mattered.
Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. A happier, healthier version of ourselves made us better partners and parents.
Stay Strong Through the Ups and Downs
Life isn’t always smooth sailing. There are financial struggles, health scares, career changes, and unexpected challenges. But through it all, we reminded ourselves that we’re a team. No matter what life threw at us, we faced it together. When things got tough, we leaned on each other emotionally, offering support instead of criticism.
Balancing marriage and parenting isn’t about striving for perfection—it’s about navigating life together, hand in hand.
Sometimes, all we needed was a listening ear and a reassuring hug. Even on hard days, we found ways to laugh together—because joy in small moments can make even the worst days feel lighter.
Final Thoughts
Balancing parenting and marriage is never easy, but it’s absolutely worth the effort. Some days, you’ll feel like you have it all together. Other days, you’ll feel like a total mess. But as long as you and your partner keep showing up for each other, you’re doing just fine.
One day, the kids will grow up, and it’ll just be the two of you again.
The effort you put in now will ensure that when that day comes, you’ll still have a strong, loving marriage to enjoy. So, let’s keep choosing love, keep laughing through the chaos, and most importantly, keep remembering why we started this journey together in the first place
